Aleeza Ben Shalom
Dating Profile Tips
Matchmakers read thousands of profiles, and it’s a real challenge to get yours to stand out. It’s also difficult to differentiate your unique traits from the multitude of those searching for their soul mates on dating websites.
Let’s examine the following real dating profile (it’s from an awesome human being who gave me permission to feature her profile, and yes, she is available). I have not met her in person; in fact I haven’t spoken with her yet. However, from her profile I have a clear picture of who she is and what she is looking for. I want to point out a few key points that make her profile a success.
Overall, the most important thing her profile gets across is that she clearly knows herself and understands what she is looking for. That doesn’t necessarily mean she’ll get what she wants, but she is better equipped to find men who are like-minded and to have a more positive dating experience until she meets Mr. Right.
The profile is indented, and my comments are in italics.
“A bit about me…
If there was a snowstorm and I had to be stuck in one store, it'd be a tough call between Michael's Arts and Crafts and Barnes and Noble.”
Her first sentence hooks the reader. “If there was a snowstorm…” is a very interesting way to begin a profile. If your profile’s first line doesn’t have a hook, someone may not even bother reading the rest. So make your first line a good one. You can start with, “I once…” and add an interesting story or share a fun fact about yourself to entice the reader to read on.
“I love doing creative things (I sew and knit) as well as learning about life and people. My favorite three role models are Lucille Ball (for her humor), Jackie Kennedy (for her beauty and her class) and Eleanor Roosevelt (for her desire to want to improve the world and make it a better, happier place).”
These sentences could have been just generic information. However, because she defined what she meant parenthetically, we aren’t left guessing what creative things she likes or why she values certain role models. We are crystal clear about her preferences and have learned about her values.
“I love to travel and explore the world, meet different types of people and experience different cultures. Friends and family are important to me, and I try to bring joy as much as possible to other people’s lives. I love a good book that delves deep into the human experience and love learning new things every day.”
She doesn’t just say she loves a good book; that wouldn’t tell us enough. She defines what she means: a good book is one that delves deep into the human experience. Wow, powerful. Now I get it.
“I enjoy a good, intellectually stimulating conversation discussing the meaning of life, but also have a practical side to me that values a good work ethic and devotion to a higher cause. I can usually be found doing yoga, swimming, gallivanting through the city or baking up something yummy.
I would like to meet someone who is kind, honest, positive, mature, and dependable; someone who can talk about real things, but also enjoy life with a sense of humor (that's not sarcastic or cynical!—This is really not a good fit for me as I am pretty sensitive).”
Again, those beautifully clarifying parentheses!
“Someone who has his priorities properly aligned and strives to live by them.”
She could have ended the sentence after the word aligned, but she made a great choice by adding, “strives to live by them.” That is a golden nugget of information. Many people have their priorities aligned, but not all strive to live by them. Some only talk about them. I now understand she is looking for a man who takes action.
“Religiously, I would probably say I am mostly Modern Orthodox (shomer Shabbat and kashrut). I like to learn, daven (pray), say berachot (blessings) when I remember. Most of all, I strive to have good middot (character traits). This is the most important to me, both in myself and in a mate.”
I like that she isn’t afraid to be honest. She says that she tries to learn, pray, and say blessings when she remembers.
“Below are my 3 important traits:
Kind/a mensch – a really good person who people are like, “Wow, what a guy!” someone whose values I strive to emulate.
Has his act together – educated, has a solid profession and knows where he wants to go in life (also nice if he’s passionate about it).
Deep – can discuss intellectual things about life, questions things, can have real, honest, open conversations.”
In all three of the above, she not only listed a trait but defined the terms.
“Qualities that are not fitting for me:
Sarcastic/cynical – says jokes a lot of time as supposedly funny but I think they are insulting and mean—insensitive.
Stubborn/inflexible – unwillingness to change or adapt and/or grow.
Overly critical – notices bad over good, doesn’t recognize or acknowledge good things.”
Some people write, “I don’t want someone who…” By writing, “Qualities that are not fitting for me” she says the same thing in a more palatable way. And again, she did a great job of defining her terms.
“Nice bonuses, but not required:
Musical in some way—singing, instrument-playing, love listening to music and finding new artists.
Funny! – I put this as a bonus because I think I am actually funny so I don’t NEED that in a relationship but it’s a nice plus when your significant other can make u laugh – at silly things, funny situations in a non-mean or teasing way, laughter out of love.
Passionate – If they have their own passions, interests, hobbies…they are interested in life in a different way other than JUST their profession. I like to bake, sew, do yoga, art projects, sing, and I think it’s really cool when other people have their own interests too and pursue those.”
“Nice bonuses, but not required,” says to me: ‘If you have these things you are likely to win me over, and while I don’t want to demand them, they are important to me and I think I’ll be best suited to someone like this. And once again, she nailed the clarity.
The Thank You is an especially nice touch. Clearly this was a dating profile she sent out to friends, family and matchmakers. This ending clearly shows that she is a thoughtful and grateful person. Through two simple words, her character traits are obvious.
Our sages tell us, “In the way that a person wants to go, in that way will he be led,” meaning that if you are clear about what you are searching for you are more likely to find it. So too, if you say you are looking for one thing but really you want another you are likely to end up with what you searched for, not what you desired. Or, as my mother reminds me, “Be careful what you wish for because you just may get it!”
May you have clarity in who you are and what you are looking for, and may you have good people to walk along side you.
Originally published on Aish.com.